I was hospitalized on July 4th for the first time in my life. Talk about freaked.right.out. As it turns out, I had pancreatitis. It has still not been determined what caused this indescribable pain. I had done a 14 miler, and right as I got home and slowed down for my cooldown, I had a dull pain come on in my pancreas (though I didn’t know it was pancreatic until going to the ER and being diagnosed). I will spare details about my hospital visit, mostly because I don’t want to relive it in any way, shape, or form. I couldn’t eat while I was hospitalized, so I was on a dextrose drip. I lost 5 pounds or so. 5 pounds that I really could have stood to gain. So now I could use 10 on my 5’4″ frame. For some reason though, I just can’t let myself relax. sit. recover. I’ve been goinggoinggoing ever since I got home from the hospital. I was released Tuesday night, and made it to spinning on Wednesday morning. And Thursday evening. And Friday afternoon. And I just can’t seem to stop. It gets worse. I feel completely worthless if I think back to what I did yesterdayoneweekpriortwohoursbefore and its not enough. That’s just it though. It n.e.v.e.r. feels like enough. I have, what I believe to be, an inhuman amount of endurance. I can just go and go and go. And I do. Because I can. This is me trying to take a little step back. Trying to learn how to relax and not become exceptionally anxious without 13miles98minutes10283rpm. Advice is welcome. If you hadn’t figured it out yet, I am a pretty good rambler.