…and so it goes

I was hospitalized on July 4th for the first time in my life. Talk about freaked.right.out. As it turns out, I had pancreatitis. It has still not been determined what caused this indescribable pain. I had done a 14 miler, and right as I got home and slowed down for my cooldown, I had a dull pain come on in my pancreas (though I didn’t know it was pancreatic until going to the ER and being diagnosed). I will spare details about my hospital visit, mostly because I don’t want to relive it in any way, shape, or form. I couldn’t eat while I was hospitalized, so I was on a dextrose drip. I lost 5 pounds or so. 5 pounds that I really could have stood to gain. So now I could use 10 on my 5’4″ frame. For some reason though, I just can’t let myself relax. sit. recover. I’ve been goinggoinggoing ever since I got home from the hospital. I was released Tuesday night, and made it to spinning on Wednesday morning. And Thursday evening. And Friday afternoon. And I just can’t seem to stop. It gets worse. I feel completely worthless if I think back to what I did yesterdayoneweekpriortwohoursbefore and its not enough. That’s just it though. It n.e.v.e.r. feels like enough. I have, what I believe to be, an inhuman amount of endurance. I can just go and go and go. And I do. Because I can. This is me trying to take a little step back. Trying to learn how to relax and not become exceptionally anxious without 13miles98minutes10283rpm. Advice is welcome. If you hadn’t figured it out yet, I am a pretty good rambler.


One response to “…and so it goes

  1. Hi Twinks, thanks for stopping by my blog! So sorry to hear about the hospital visit, hope you are feeling better. I know how it feels to want to drive yourself to exhaustion every day, but we gotta make sure we take care of ourselves and give our bodies a chance to recover, especially when we’ve been unwell.

    Take care!

    TA x

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